Just Smile

My co-blogger

The voices are getting louder, and my head is beginning to fill again with thoughts. Bad thoughts. I'm beginning to put myself down. I'm angry. Upset. Sad. Drained. Uninterested in the things that brought me joy or pride. In fact, all I want to do is lock myself upstairs in my craft room and not speak to anyone. Not go to work. Not go anywhere. Just hunker down and deal with myself, with my bad thoughts, and try to get them to stop being so loud inside my head.

So today I felt it was extremely important to sit and remember back on the good that happened today, just what this blog is about. Here's what I came up with.

I woke early to my normal alarm clocks. Bear and Indie. Those lil butts cannot stand for me to be in bed, but when I wake, they love they give is so heartwarming. They are also continuing to get closer, or at least deal with each others presence in the house. I was able to walk around the house today, followed by both boys, with no animosity between them. There were also several instances where they would sniff each others faces and didn't seem disgusted. PROGRESS!

I also received a call from my brother Phil today. It had been a while since we chatted and since he also works a weird schedule like me, he was able to call when I was at home. We talked about the girls, our upcoming goals, our family, and just about everything else. It was awesome, and I was so happy he called.

Then we come to this... cake.

Holy amazing tasty goodness!

My Commune Companions downstairs just celebrated their 1 year anniversary. Oh by the way, did I mention I've known her since we were 12, and her husband just so happens to be one of my besties from college?! Anyhoo... Megan had IM'd me earlier this morning saying they were in desperate need to get rid of their wedding cake. Not for anything bad... but because it was so good, and over this anniversary weekend her and Charlie almost killed it off and needed someone to save them from the remainder. However between my call with Phil and beginning a new project today, it totally slipped my mind and I went to work without hopping downstairs to nab a piece.

At work as I felt myself getting more angry at stupid shit

and really beginning to feel down, I realized how I had forgotten to grab the remaining cake. I began to get down on myself for that because I felt it would be a great treat for when I got home and needed to unwind. But alas, I failed.

When I got home, I went through my normal routine of feeding Indie, letting Bear lick the spoon, then off I went to try and find something to eat. As I turned the lights on to cook up some Bread Cheese to go with a glass of Malbec, on the counter what do I see? CAKE! My Commune Companions came through and must have dropped it off with Caitlin when she got home. Best neighbors ever for the win!

So now as I sit here with cake, cheese, chips, and wine... I can't help but think that though I am off my game and not feeling happy, there is always something to smile about.

 

Sara Bareilles singing Smile at the Emmy's. Beautiful and worthwhile. 

(Don't mind the audio from memoriam tribute)