Life's full of them. Some are easier than others. Some we struggle with all of our lives. But it's how we take those challenges on that shows the kind of person we are.
My recent challenge... gaining all my weight back. Okay, okay. So I was bitching over the last year about losing 30 pounds. Something most people, including myself, would kill to have happen. It was the method in which I lost the weight though that left me unsatisfied with the results.
So when I was eventually well again and began eating normally, I was ecstatic! I was also determined to make sure I would remain at a healthy weight and workout regularly. Thus comes my challenge.
My crazy schedule makes it difficult to do things most times. For me, I am a night exerciser. So not having a 24-hour gym near me requires that I wake early and go for runs or workout at home. Neither of which leaves me feeling satisfied. Hell... when your schedule leaves you wide awake until 4AM, you long for a 24-hour gym to release some of the adrenaline you gained during a jam-packed day of developing/breaking news.... and loathe not having one near so you must wake around 9:30 to get a proper workout in before "starting" your day.
So eventually my workouts wained... and the weight was gained. Luckily, I have not reached my heaviest, having only gained back 18 of the 30 pounds I dropped. However I refuse to go back to that. So I opted to invest in myself, and it was so easy when the stars all aligned in my favor.
As I was feeling down on myself, Groupon started having deals on all the things I was wanting to help invest in myself. First, health and fitness magazines. Groupon had both Eating Well and Fitness on their specials list... so I had to get them. You always need something to help you along the way, and I figured having magazines about what I really need to focus on would definitely be a benefit to my challenge.
Next, a food scale to help make sure I am not going overboard on portions. I am terrible at judging portions. This way, I know how much I am eating and can get a better idea of what certain portions of food look like, hopefully being able to do it all on my own in the future.
Then came the full body, digitial analyzer scale. It is supposed to measure everything from water weight, bone density, to body fat percentage. A must on my list as my old rinky-dink scale is never on target. Following my dozens upon dozens of doctors appointments, I realized my scale needed constant adjustments. So it was about time to get a better one. Especially as this one got GREAT reviews when I researched it!
That was followed by a guilty pleasure I just had to take on... pole dance fitness classes. As I already run and do workouts at home, I figured if I allow myself a fun class to do every week, it would be a nice change from my typical routine. Plus, the class will give me a much needed boost of self esteem and empowerment.
Finally, I rejoined Weight Watchers. This was one I was debating for the past month. However when I wasn't able to zip up my skinny jeans anymore, I figured it was about time. I have done it before and I did well on it then, so I know that it can help me again to make sure I stay on the right track. I also found a group on its website that is about nerds/geeks trying to lose weight together. So now I have new friends facing the same challenges as me to talk to when I am feeling down, or just talk about the new season of Sherlock that isn't coming out for another year! UGH!!
One positive thing I can talk about. When I rejoined WW, it still held all of my old information from when I was on it three years ago. My heart nearly sank when I saw that when I started initially... I weighed 170 pounds. At present, I weigh 149. So thinking of the drastic tranformation I have undergone to where I am now, I am glad that I didn't wait to take these steps at keeping my healthy weight. I also felt better knowing that I am not that person anymore.
My challenges have transformed me. I take action. I am bolder. I am more open. I take chances. I am that girl who walks proud, and will continue to. I know where I have been, and I now know where I want to be, both mentally and physically.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Nothing to Fear, but Fear Itself
This is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down....
Yes that's the beginning to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air... but no that is not what this posting is about. This is about taking the leap. Sucking it up, and telling fear to shove it.
I can tell you that in my life, I have always been the cautious friend. I have never broken a bone, I have never been grounded, I have always been the voice of reason when people want to do something ridiculously stupid. Yep, I'm THAT friend.
However, life is not amusing when you stand on the sidelines screaming at everyone to be careful. Examples? Damn right I have a few! Let's get started...
The Journey
Growing up in Michigan was amazing. Fishing in Lake Erie. Summer trips to Cedar Point. Countless county fairs. Ice fishing with my brothers. Pony rides in Elizabeth Park. Whoa, sorry. Totally fell into a nostalgia pit. Anyway... long story short. I love Michigan!! But my life was missing something out there... most importantly... a full-time job.
My friend Megan had moved to Connecticut and soon after Massachusetts for her career. Granted it wasn't initially her choice to go (THANKS PFIZER!), but that move sparked something in me. Hearing of all the amazing things she was doing out there sounded awesome. The amazing people. The glorious adventures. I decided then and there... I had to try it.
My leap though, took at least a year. My cautionary brain kept telling me no. Stay where it is safe. Stay where you are loved. Things will get better... eventually. But I couldn't let my brain win. I kept pushing through. Through the tears and the fears, I finally left. And if you haven't really noticed based on my blog... BEST DECISION EVER!! That's leads us to the next story in my kicking fear in the ass stories...
The White Water
Living in Massachusetts has brought tons of exciting opportunities. That included rafting.
Initially this was a trip my friends planned on going on without me. Why? Because I have a big fear of drowning, and well, you can die on rapids, there is tons of water, thus I let fear win that fight. But my dear friend Carrie who had bought a pass for the trip was terribly sick and couldn't go. Not wanting to let her money go to waste, she told me to take it. At first, I couldn't. My fear lingered and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. After great debate, and Carrie's pleas... I finally took it.
The river we went on was the Pennobscot up in Maine. A river with class 5 rapids. That terrified me. I thought that on the rapids we would work up to the class 5, allowing me to ease into the whole rafting experience. That didn't happen.
The first rapid on the Pennobscot is a class 5!!! The angry churning water, the rushing flow, the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks. Yeah... pretty terrifying!! I actually started crying and had a mini panic attack. I fought through though, especially as there was no turning back from there.
That trip, became the first of many! Okay 2 only because time and money have gotten in the way, but I DID IT and I LOVED IT!! In fact, the next time we went out, I chose to be one of the leaders on our raft. I am dying to go again!
The Greater Challenge
This may sound lame, but the aforementioned title is actually about men. Shut up... I'm lame. However this is one of my greater fears.
I have always been fearful about men/relationships. I never focused on the now and the fun, but the future and the what could happens. Breaking up. Cheating. Me not being good enough. Some of these fears had ground to stand on from previous experiences, but the rest were just all in my head.
It wasn't until recently through therapy and a tough time in my life that I learned I had some deep seated issues with myself. The issues made me avoid men. Avoid happiness. Succumb to my fears.
So now I have worked through it. Getting better everyday. I have had more confidence when talking to men, even approaching them now. Something I would never do before. However I have since initiated conversations with men, been the aggressor per-say. Even recently, I went as far as admitting that I liked a guy and asked them out on a date. Self high five!!!
The Moral
Don't let fear rule you. You will never know what could have been. You will never feel the thrill of doing something adventurous. You may miss out on something that could change your life forever.
Don't let that happen. Don't let life and its amazing experiences pass you by.
Yes that's the beginning to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air... but no that is not what this posting is about. This is about taking the leap. Sucking it up, and telling fear to shove it.
I can tell you that in my life, I have always been the cautious friend. I have never broken a bone, I have never been grounded, I have always been the voice of reason when people want to do something ridiculously stupid. Yep, I'm THAT friend.
However, life is not amusing when you stand on the sidelines screaming at everyone to be careful. Examples? Damn right I have a few! Let's get started...
The Journey
Growing up in Michigan was amazing. Fishing in Lake Erie. Summer trips to Cedar Point. Countless county fairs. Ice fishing with my brothers. Pony rides in Elizabeth Park. Whoa, sorry. Totally fell into a nostalgia pit. Anyway... long story short. I love Michigan!! But my life was missing something out there... most importantly... a full-time job.
My friend Megan had moved to Connecticut and soon after Massachusetts for her career. Granted it wasn't initially her choice to go (THANKS PFIZER!), but that move sparked something in me. Hearing of all the amazing things she was doing out there sounded awesome. The amazing people. The glorious adventures. I decided then and there... I had to try it.
My leap though, took at least a year. My cautionary brain kept telling me no. Stay where it is safe. Stay where you are loved. Things will get better... eventually. But I couldn't let my brain win. I kept pushing through. Through the tears and the fears, I finally left. And if you haven't really noticed based on my blog... BEST DECISION EVER!! That's leads us to the next story in my kicking fear in the ass stories...
The White Water
Living in Massachusetts has brought tons of exciting opportunities. That included rafting.
Initially this was a trip my friends planned on going on without me. Why? Because I have a big fear of drowning, and well, you can die on rapids, there is tons of water, thus I let fear win that fight. But my dear friend Carrie who had bought a pass for the trip was terribly sick and couldn't go. Not wanting to let her money go to waste, she told me to take it. At first, I couldn't. My fear lingered and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. After great debate, and Carrie's pleas... I finally took it.
The river we went on was the Pennobscot up in Maine. A river with class 5 rapids. That terrified me. I thought that on the rapids we would work up to the class 5, allowing me to ease into the whole rafting experience. That didn't happen.
The first rapid on the Pennobscot is a class 5!!! The angry churning water, the rushing flow, the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks. Yeah... pretty terrifying!! I actually started crying and had a mini panic attack. I fought through though, especially as there was no turning back from there.
That trip, became the first of many! Okay 2 only because time and money have gotten in the way, but I DID IT and I LOVED IT!! In fact, the next time we went out, I chose to be one of the leaders on our raft. I am dying to go again!
The Greater Challenge
This may sound lame, but the aforementioned title is actually about men. Shut up... I'm lame. However this is one of my greater fears.
I have always been fearful about men/relationships. I never focused on the now and the fun, but the future and the what could happens. Breaking up. Cheating. Me not being good enough. Some of these fears had ground to stand on from previous experiences, but the rest were just all in my head.
It wasn't until recently through therapy and a tough time in my life that I learned I had some deep seated issues with myself. The issues made me avoid men. Avoid happiness. Succumb to my fears.
So now I have worked through it. Getting better everyday. I have had more confidence when talking to men, even approaching them now. Something I would never do before. However I have since initiated conversations with men, been the aggressor per-say. Even recently, I went as far as admitting that I liked a guy and asked them out on a date. Self high five!!!
The Moral
Don't let fear rule you. You will never know what could have been. You will never feel the thrill of doing something adventurous. You may miss out on something that could change your life forever.
Don't let that happen. Don't let life and its amazing experiences pass you by.
Monday, July 15, 2013
I'm Living Everything I Want
You know it's funny how the littlest thing can make you look back at your life. For me, that was a dream. This dream felt more like a nightmare when I look back on it. However it made me realize how much I have grown over the past year.
Let's discuss this dream. In it, I was still with one of my ex's. I was living here in Boston, had my job at Fox, had all my wonderful friends. The nightmare part... he needed to move for a job, and I reluctantly chose to go with him. The move though was immediate, and I had to drop my entire to go with him.
Now I'm not saying I would never not do something like that if I were in love. Of course sacrifices are made in relationships. But in the dream I was devastated about having to leave everything I loved. In fact, I ended up resenting my ex in the dream.
There was a ton more that happened... but it was the leaving Boston that hurt the most. Having to tell my coworkers I was leaving, quitting the job I love more than life, leaving my happy apartment. The emotions both while asleep and once I awoke were pretty intense about this.
I cannot fully express how much my life has improved since I came here. Not just professionally, but personally. I have become a strong, independent woman. I no longer require the things I felt I needed from life before. I especially am surprised at how I now see relationships.
In the dream, I sacrificed my own personal happiness for someone else who didn't bother to consider how it hurt me. Honestly, that's who I use to be. I know if that situation happened in real life, I would have done that. No longer is that the woman here at the keyboard. Don't get me wrong though, all relationships require a sacrifice of some sort, but no longer will it always come at my expense as it has in the past.
**Insert my typical "I love my life" quote here**
Let's discuss this dream. In it, I was still with one of my ex's. I was living here in Boston, had my job at Fox, had all my wonderful friends. The nightmare part... he needed to move for a job, and I reluctantly chose to go with him. The move though was immediate, and I had to drop my entire to go with him.
Now I'm not saying I would never not do something like that if I were in love. Of course sacrifices are made in relationships. But in the dream I was devastated about having to leave everything I loved. In fact, I ended up resenting my ex in the dream.
There was a ton more that happened... but it was the leaving Boston that hurt the most. Having to tell my coworkers I was leaving, quitting the job I love more than life, leaving my happy apartment. The emotions both while asleep and once I awoke were pretty intense about this.
I cannot fully express how much my life has improved since I came here. Not just professionally, but personally. I have become a strong, independent woman. I no longer require the things I felt I needed from life before. I especially am surprised at how I now see relationships.
In the dream, I sacrificed my own personal happiness for someone else who didn't bother to consider how it hurt me. Honestly, that's who I use to be. I know if that situation happened in real life, I would have done that. No longer is that the woman here at the keyboard. Don't get me wrong though, all relationships require a sacrifice of some sort, but no longer will it always come at my expense as it has in the past.
**Insert my typical "I love my life" quote here**
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