Lessons Learned

I've recently been under an intense amount of stress. Worrying about the new company taking over at work. Worried about what would happen to the job I love, the people I care about, the lives we have created there.

Since the takeover, things have been pretty good. Obviously there have been confusion and craziness with getting on the tech stuff online with the new systems. Other than that, pretty satisfied with it all in all. 

The company seems to really care about its employees and comes off with almost a southern hospitality feel when we have had meetings with the higher ups. All the employees who have come to talk to us from Cox have said everything I needed to hear to make me feel good about this. They talk about the family feel. How they've been with the company for years and how much they enjoy working for them. 

Part of their benefits include ways to make yourself better. Educational programs, health programs through insurance. Tons of incentives to be a better you. Incentives I am gladly taking part in.

Lesson Learned #1: Don't sweat what you can't change. Go with the flow... until you know.

Through all this, I have gained a lot of weight. Not as much as I thought til I weighed myself to join in one of these programs, and DAMN! I'm at the worst I've ever been. The thing though, I haven't noticed. 

When did this happen? I'll tell you. My constant midnight runs for Taco Bell, McD's, anything fried. Why? Because of how stressed I was. I felt the need to fill myself with what I feel is comfort food, no matter how bad it is. French fries. Ice Cream. Cheesy Gorditas. I knew this wouldn't make me better, but at the time, any form of comfort was appreciated. 

Also at the time, I wasn't feeling bad about the way I looked. I still don't. I was shocked when I finally got on a scale and saw how much I had gained. 

When I first began gaining, it was when I got on a set of meds that seemed to really be doing the trick. I was happy. My mind wasn't focused on the frivolous stuff that use to overwhelm my life. One of which was my weight. I knew I was gaining back the weight I had gained, but I didn't care. I continued to say that and still believe in it. When I am ready, I'll start losing it. For months I was too involved in the stresses in my life and stuck to things that made me smile. My crafting, playing games, hanging with friends, cooking for friends. 

So with these new incentives from Cox, I felt that now is the time. I'm ready to make a change. I'm ready to make myself better in other ways. I'm not wanting to lose the weight, but I'm wanting to get control back of my body. I want to be healthy. And the program they offer is great. Lots of tips that aren't telling me what to do, but advice on how to make myself better and to get through this. The program even takes into consideration my depression. 

I'm confident this is what I need. Another reason I feel this new company is just what I need to make myself a better person.

Lesson Learned #2: I will do things when I'm ready, because that's when I will have the confidence and the ability to take control. Trying to push myself into something I'm not ready for will just make it worse. I know when I'm ready. Now I'm ready.

So here's what's going to happen...

• I have joined back up at the gym right down from the house.
• I plan on setting my alarm to wake up in the morning to attend classes 5 days a week.
• Through Cox, I have signed up for weight loss help, and already have been given a plan that I know I can handle.
• I'm back up on MyFitnessPal so I can see exactly the good and bad of my daily activity/inactivity.

Today, I sit before you typing at a good old 182lbs. Yep, I seriously don't know how that happened and honestly can't tell that's my weight from how I look. I'm not looking for rapid weight loss. I just want to be good to myself, build my endorphins, and be motivated to be better. Now I'm ready to be happy.

Apologies for any typos and shiz... didn't feel like proof-reading. Just had to let it all out!!