Escaping in the Craft(ing)

No more clarity

the moments I have that are happy are fleeting

so sick of having to deal with this

The days you wish you could just go away never end

I just sit there in bed or playing on my computer wishing for a life that I don't have 

nothing really seems to bring joy anymore 

I still sit there with a smile 

pretend it's all okay 

but inside I'm wondering when this will all end

That was a random rambling of thoughts I had on my way home from work the other week. So many things were running through my head that I had to take out my phone and do Voice-to-Text just to get them out.

When I say "when this will all end," I'm not talking death, so don't worry. I mean the constant fluctuation in my moods. The depression is getting to be terrible. I'm only feeling "meh" on most days. Also doesn't help that I've had this sinus infection bringing me down. Also too many unknowns going on in life and at work that really have my head frazzled. I do have happy times. However it doesn't take long for them to disappear and I just remain quiet.

Some of my happiest moments are being a recluse in the craft room. I know it's not good to hide away, but it seems to be the only time when I am out of my head, and focusing on something that completely takes all the thoughts away.

Vanity at the start

I'm currently working on a refinishing my great-grandmother's vanity. Just need to put on a sealing coat and get new drawer handles for it. I'm really loving it. Just the fact that I have such a treasured piece of family history makes me smile. There was actually a Radio Lab episode I heard the other day where they were talking about how some people feel when they are surrounded by history. Some people feel a magical moment of being in the place where something marvelous happened... others just see the object. I'm more of the magical feeling type person. I love museums, I love historical objects. When I am in the presence of something that had significant value in space and time... it makes me feel alive. That's how it feels having that vanity. A piece of family history that has gone from my great-grandmother, to my grandmother, my mother, and now me. While working on it, I kept finding little things about it that made me think of what it must have been like back then when they were using it. The wheels on the bottom, something I originally planned to remove/replace... now being kept because upon closer look, I realized they were not shotty metal or plastic wheels we are all use to now. They were wood. Completely fashioned our of wood. That tiny little detail makes it so amazing to me that I could not bring myself to take them off.

Once I'm done, I'll definitely post pictures.

However my time crafting has me looking for other hobbies that will keep my busy, be beneficial, and give me a creative outlet. So for my new endeavor, I'm planning on making my own clothes. I know crazy, but also in a way smart. I always have a hard time finding exactly what I want. When I do, it's typically never in a size that works for my body, or extremely pricey so I don't buy it. To remedy all that, I decided that I will invest in a sewing machine, and try my hand at making my own clothes. Obviously I'm not planning on being amazing from the start. But from humble beginnings testing out revamps of shirts/skirts/pants, I'm hoping I'll be able to work up to something nice. 

Anyway, it's just for me. If it's not perfect, that's okay. It's the process of working through it that counts.

Below are some of the other things I have worked on for my room.

Lamp I redid. Was Black with Silver Shade

Ikea Side Table. Use to be all black.

Side table bits and mirror I painted.

Vanity stool. Was also once black.

Finished side table and lamp.