An Amazing Week

After getting much rest to get back to normal, I am now ready to write about the incredible opportunities I was able to be a part of in Washington DC and Boston.

Being chosen to be one of the hundreds of Field Advocates to go and speak with lawmakers about the AFSP was truly an honor. For 4 days, I was able to learn so much about our mission, and the bills our organization is working to get put into law to help those with mental illness.

The first day, I was extremely nervous. I know I was there with so many people who have experienced the same things as I have, but I was still afraid. I still have this feeling like I am not "worthy," if that is event the appropriate word, of being there. Many of those who I was there with have lost friends/family or even attempted. Whereas I have only had suicidal ideation. It's weird I know, but to know that they have gone through more made me feel like I shouldn't have been there. However that changed almost immediately.

During the Forum's meet and greet, we were all asked to stand one at a time, and explain why we were a part of the organization. So many people I found had similar stories as I did. The feeling of hopelessness. Unending sadness. It was all okay though, because we were in a safe place to talk about it, where others have obviously been where we have at some point.

As the days went on, I met so many amazing people. It felt so good to be able to talk to people about my experience and hear theirs' with no judgment. No questions. Just understanding. I was also so relieved to speak with people who were able to help me put in to words the feelings I had. It's always been quite difficult to explain it to people. So to hear from others with a better understanding was quite remarkable.

On the day we got to go speak with lawmakers, it was hot and absolutely miserable. My feet had swollen, and blistered beyond belief in my shoes. I had sweat through my dress, and my makeup was all smeared off by the time I reached my first meeting.

Even so, our message was strong, and we got it through to many of the people with spoke with. Of course there was one who just didn't get it and said he was focused on other things, but hey, you can't win them all.





















After all the business end of stuff was done, I made sure I gave myself enough time to wander around the Capitol. I am such a huge fan of history, more being around it then just learning about it. So to be able to walk from the Capitol Building, down the National Mall, and hit all the amazing museums and iconic monuments was mind-blowing.

I was able to knock off quite a few things from my bucket list on this trip. The Smithsonian, the Washington Monument, the Lincoln Memorial. My heart was just filled with so much pride. Seeing where our nation grew from, just unbelievable.

Next I went back to Boston for the 16-mile Out of the Darkness Walk for the AFSP. Mom and dad came out to be with me for it which was such a nice touch to the emotional event. I was so lucky to have such an amazing team by my side as well. Not just on the trail, but across the country. So many friends kept sending me messages of love and encouragement as we were walking. There were so many people too out along the path cheering us on.


At the beginning, Carlos Arredondo and his wife Melida help up a sign of encouragement. We also walked by several houses where people were sitting on their porches with candles and pictures of those they had lost, saying thank you to us for all we were doing to raise awareness. And the hugs! So many hugs from people who were also glad that we were out there doing something for the cause.


All the love was especially needed as the weather got so rough. The AFSP actually had to cut 3 miles off the walk because the weather was expected to get so treacherous at the height of the walk. At least in the beginning it was glorious. Chilly, but perfect for a long walk. But as the night went on, the winds picked up, rain started to pour down, and the temperature dropped dramatically. However our team pushed on... and we made it to the end. Granted I started talking to myself to keep myself going, at least I made Serpa giggle when she heard me saying under my breath, "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming."

For me, the cold, wind and rain made it almost more symbolic. We were walking to raise awareness for mental illness and suicide prevention. The darkness, the pain, the loneliness though we were with thousands of people. It felt exactly as how I have always felt with my depression. And to myself I just kept saying, "I am in pain... but I am here." I am here because I was lucky and found help when I was at my worst.

Walking for roughly 14 miles in that crap weather was nothing compared to the pain I have felt for 31 years of my life. Making it through that without quitting to me, was just like how I have pushed myself to make it through life. Though it was shitty, I knew it would be over, and I would still be here, and tomorrow would be a new day.



I want to thank all my teammates and those who stepped in to be with us for coming out and helping with the cause. You are all such amazing people, and I couldn't have made it through the night without you and your strength pushing me on.

I would also like to thank all my friends who I was able to see while back in Bean Town. I miss you all so much and to be able to come and see you guys was such a joy and filled my heart with so much happiness. I cannot begin to tell you all how much I love you and how much you mean to me. Thank you all for being amazing people and being in my life.