Open Book

Let's get back to the beginning with what this blog was meant for.... a happy thing a day. (Thanks Yia Yia!)

Today's first two joys happened at work this morning.

Joy #1: I have been feeling bad about my new job lately. Now don't get me wrong... I love my coworkers and am so glad to be producing on a regular schedule. However I'm just not getting to a speed where I can get everything done before my shows go on.

So this morning (okay morning for me, 7p for the rest of you) I woke up early  to look up stories both locally and abroad to get a head start. But news is news... and of course there was a terrible shooting in South Carolina and a manhunt so things just didn't go as I hoped. Even through the craziness, I got my show on air, and it was really good and my anchors were great with all the new information coming in. I couldn't have been prouder.

And my new coworkers are just like my team back in Boston. We have each others backs; helping with stories, suggestions, everything needed to help get a show up and running smoothly. It felt really good especially with the breaking news to hear us all hollering around the newsroom all the new details or what we had done so someone else didn't have to waste their time doing it again. That's what I love about news. When I was young I never did, but I guess I just didn't have the right people on my time.

Joy #2: As I was getting ready to leave today, I remembered I hadn't taken my second does of Welbutrin for the day. My coworker Wendy spotted me popping my pill and made a joke about it being the "happy" kind. I sure as hell didn't deny it! So her and I got to chatting a bit about our "happy" pills, and when I told her I was also on Prozac it shocked her a bit. So I came out and told her it was because of my suicidal ideations. I told her how what I experienced that led me to this actually was the best thing that could've happened for me. I'm now an advocate, a voice for those too afraid to talk.

Now you're probably thinking, "Damn you only have been working there a month! Why tell something so intimate like that?" It all goes back to a clip I watched yesterday on the AFSP's YouTube page. It was a panel from a recent convention. The panel of three was there to talk about their "Lived Experience." The story of how they attempted suicide, but survived. The main thing I took away from it was that talking not only helps me, but helps others. Even my mom fundraising at her job for my upcoming walk told me how everyday someone would come up to her and say how my story hit them, then they'd tell her how suicide and/or mental illness impacted their life.

I chose to be an advocate for AFSP because I want to tell my story. Tell someone going through this same situation that they are not alone. That they are not weak, but strong for being. That's why I told her, and the conversation that came from it with her was wonderful.

The final joy of the day almost wasn't. Today, I sucked it up and got on the treadmill for the 4th day in a row! In fact, I'm on it right now typing this up.

I decided on Tuesday to take an old shelf and turn my parents' treadmill into a walking desk. I've been able to watch AFSP videos and study up for this coming week when I'm in DC advocating with lawmakers.

Have to say, I'm pretty damn proud of myself. Hopefully this hill continues upward, and now I don't have an excuse to not blog.