Strangely enough, just as I was describing some new methods for me coping with the upcoming trial, I was put in a position this week where I had to utilize them.
My "Fight or Flight" senses were peaked this past Friday while out in Boston with some friends. The night was going great. Drinks... karaoke... laughter. Then while we exited the bar at closing time... police lights, sirens, cruisers blocking streets. No bueno.
In my head, I knew it was more than likely for some protest situation that has been frequent as of late on Boston streets. People marching against police brutality in the wake of the recent deaths of unarmed black men at the hands of white police officers. Still though, it doesn't stop your head from taking you to your worst fears.
Within seconds, I felt like I was back. Being pushed across the bridge. Wondering what was happening. If my friends were okay. My body tensed up as I remembered being on lock down in my old apartment. The cops with guns around my house. The helicopters overhead. These moments replaying completely in my head.
So I took a breath. Closed my eyes. Nothing.
No cabin. No farm house. No garden.
Thankfully I had my friend's arm. I grabbed his hand. Held on tight, and just continued to breathe.
I understand why I couldn't go there. Dealing with the stories at work is way different than being thrown in to a real life situation. It did make me sad though that I had a night where I had gone in feeling safe in the city I love, only to end it with fear.
These days will inevitably continue. No doubt about that. I can say though that I felt proud of myself for attempting to find my safe place during a scary situation.
On a lighter note, because that is technically the whole point of this blog. Things have been going well. I have had great opportunities to hang out with my coworkers more. Meet new people. Check out new things.
The best part, finally being able to begin work as a Field Advocate for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I finished my orientation online, and have already been getting the information needed to help push for legislation that can help those in need. I have also nearly reached a quarter of my goal for the Out of the Darkness Overnight! Such a fantastic feeling, especially when I'm still more than 6 months away from the event. Not only that, but I will be attending a breakfast this week at a local college along with the head of the Eastern Massachusetts AFSP Chapter. While there, we'll have the opportunity to network with people from some of the major companies across our area, as well as rub elbows with the Governor for our cause.
Completely humble brag I swear! I'm just extremely excited to be a part of such a wonderful cause that carries such a powerful message.
Interested in helping out? Check out the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention online. You can also help me reach my $1,000 goal for the Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk this June. Click here to donate and read up on my team, and how we're are looking to #StopTheStigma of mental illness.
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